Michaela Riley

March 11, 2010

I have to admit that starting the P90X...X for Extreme is extreme and difficult but can say that I have finished my first week of my new exercise plan and happy that I can pause the training when I need to catch my breath or lay on the floor because of the exhaustion.

Day one of Beach body consisted of about an hour of chest and back exercises utilizing various forms of equipment, a chair, chin up bar and bands...okay I could only do 3 chin ups and that was using the chair for support. I did over 120 push-ups and thank the Army for letting me be all that I could be a long time ago...sure that is the only reason I could do the push-ups. I did alternate female with male version push-ups...is that cheating, my shoulders and chest didn't think so.

Then 20 minutes of the amazing Ab Ripper X. Okay my abdomen is still sore after three sessions of nearly 350 core exercises....sound extreme it is. I know that this is a proven exercise program with proven results...the only proof I have so far is pain in places that have never hurt before. So it takes my mind off of the joint pain from arthritis so consider this a nice diversion...with benefits that remain to be seen.

The Yoga was really my least favorite of all and after an hour and a half I was ready to be finished until the next week. Yoga is on day four of the exercise plan for the next 4 weeks so I hope I begin to like that because an hour and a half is a long time to work on something not so much fun except of course for the Chaturanga and upward dog pose...my back and stomach felt great while doing those. ...a strange name for an exercise but this was my first yoga session.

As for the OBAGI and skin treatment...the redness, peeling followed by more redness and peeling is still going on after 5 weeks of the treatment. This is supposed to diminish somewhat about 6 weeks so I will be looking forward to being able to wear black again. My skin sheds so much that it looks like I have a very bad case of dandruff and well you can imagine this is embarrassing.

March 7, 2010

Okay here goes nothing. As I drink a glass of wine from my recent birthday gift...a wine glass that has FABULOUS 50 inscribed in  bright pink I am reminded of many birthdays before now when I ignored the one miracle I had in my life such as my health.

Now diagnosed with Lupus over 5 years ago, It seemed like a death sentence and a blessing at the same time to finally know what was wrong with me. The fatigue, rashes, joint pain, mouth ulcers and lovely butterfly rash on my face finally painted the picture of an illness I didn't understand and would find that even Physician's didn't seem to understand. How do you understand the profound feeling of fatigue that constantly plagues my life...waking up tired and staying that way all day even if I slept 12 hours?  Enough gloom!

I only talk abut this because I choose to hide it from those closest to me. It is easier to hide behind the façade of someone that is perfectly healthy and energetic…ready to take what ever life offers. Many people with Lupus don’t talk about the horrible things it does to their body and mind…that’s why Lupus is called the Wolf. LUPUS, a disease characterized by the formation in the skin or mucous membrane of small tubercles or nodules consisting of cell growth which has an inclination to retrograde change, leading to ulceration and destruction of the tissues, and, if it heals, to the subsequent formation of permanent scars.

Okay that doesn’t sound so bad but what about when Lupus affects more of your body than your skin? What if your knees, hips, elbows, spine and neck also had arthritis and constant pain? What if you suddenly allergies to things you didn’t even know you were allergic to and the only advice the physician would give you was….”Exercise and you will feel better”. Are you kidding me did you hear when I said I am tired when I wake up and can’t function?

Okay Doctors don’t listen…at least mine doesn't  it is time for extreme measures. I refuse to let this kill me.

Today I read that facial peels and/or laser therapy can reduce the Lupus malar rash, can’t really do the laser peel so I chose Obagi for a 6 month facial rejuvenation. Maybe I will look refreshed even if I am exhausted. I purchased the Obagi travel pack…much cheaper than the other kit and insisted on a prescription of Retin A .10% to get filled at the drug store. If this works the horrid red malar rash will be diminished and I won’t look like a freak most of the time. After 2 days of the treatment no problems, stinging or irritation, at 4 weeks I have experienced face tightness that actually made the corners of my mouth hurt when I smiled…nothing to lose right? Well I have lost several layers of skin on my face and chest as the peeling and redness continues. Just a few weeks of redness, itching and peeling skin. When finished the system promises to even out skin tone and reduce fine lines and wrinkles.

I have also decided to purchase P90X for an extreme make over and improvement of the “hello I am 50 body”. I hope I can make it through one exercise without calling the paramedics. Remember I get exhausted from drying my hair…wish me luck!

Life brings us many challenges some nearly destroy us and may bring us to a screeching halt. Hope you have that seat belt on, you may need it. It is in those moments of our life that we must change. We have to keep moving to our destination and achieve those goals we set during our teenage and young adult years. If you are like me survival guided many decisions made in those young impressionable years. Education and setting goals were a mere fantasy for someone else. Working several dead end jobs to make ends meet was really all that I knew. Maybe there are many people out there like me. Divorced, single parent, uneducated with really no idea what it would take to have a better life. Except of course more work, long hours as a waitress or bartender or something else that would provide benefits. Maybe it was fear of the disconnect notice for the utilities or the repossessed car that really instilled in me the importance of responsibility. Whatever it was, joining the military was the first step in the right direction. Of course there have been many wrong turns, dead end roads, driving in the middle of the night with out a clue of my destination.

We must realize there is a purpose in those life lessons. Each time we learn something new it helps us with the next step of our journey. We grow and we learn, it’s a natural process. An important part of the journey is to learn to live life without the limitations we put on ourselves by self-imposed rules and regulations. I don’t know about you but if destiny or reincarnation is about us asking to come back and learn yet another lesson please stop the insanity. Those karmic flashes of past lives are scary. We have enough to worry about in this life time, illness, poverty, suffering, spiritual distress, over-population, gas prices. Please the list can go on for an entire book.

Today is the day we have to face whatever those fears are. Maybe you look in the mirror and you see a person you don’t recognize. Are you over critical of those fabulous lines on your face? You earned every one of them! In a society where wrinkles can be erased in an hour this should be the last of your worries. Okay, okay let’s move on. What about anything you dislike about your appearance. We all have insecurities about something. If it’s your teeth you can get those whitened or straightened or how about porcelain veneers? Come on look deeper than those exterior minor imperfections that you are completely and utterly overly critical of?

Look at yourself completely. I want you to look in the mirror at your reflection. Now see yourself in the way that someone who loves you sees you. Notice how the thought of that person loving you makes you smile and you begin to see something else. Remember how you felt when you fell in love with someone else. Every imperfection melts away as your love for that person grows. Isn’t that amazing?

Why then can’t you see yourself in that way? What are you afraid of? We are so critical of ourselves we set out on this mission to be something better, thinner, healthier or what ever it is we think we need. Somewhere in all of this self-improvement you forgot the one thing that could change everything.

Love is the greatest gift of all. Why then can’t you love yourself that much?

Would you admit to something that was untrue to prevent a prison sentence?

What if you were given no other choice?

The pressure of defendants to accept a pleas agreement is excruciating and constant. Innocent defendants are left with no other options as they are coerced into accepting an agreement that will change their life forever.

More than 1 in every 100 American's are in prison or jail, while a staggering 90% of cases are settled by plea agreements. Lawyers prefer to make deals as opposed to fight for innocence of their defendants.

In my opinion a plea bargain is immoral and unethical when based upon the promise of a reduced sentence if the defendant accepts a guilty plea. The damage can't be reversed. Once a plea agreement is accepted the defendant loses their right to speak...

Jennifer Campbell has just returned to Virginia after a year long mobilization with the Army. Her dream of buying a house, living near the beach and being close to her family, son and fiancé' was now a reality.

Embittered Justice is inspired by a true story of an innocent woman's fight against a corrupt judicial system.